The Bagel Rant

Based on an actual rant:

I like bagels with cream cheese, but none of that weird shit. Buying bagels at a place like Einstein Bros is too expensive for what you get. For starters, there is never enough cream cheese... then they hit you with the price. $5 for a bagel with cream cheese? You got to be kidding me! Seriously, what happened to being able to get a plain bagel with regular cream cheese for $2. I can get a double cheese burger at McDonald's for half that price, so you would not think that $2 would be unreasonable. It's not like I'm ordering some fancy pizza bagel.

Who thought up a pizza bagel anyways? Just cause two things taste good seperatly does not mean that they work together. If I wanted pizza I'd be at a pizza place... not a bagel shop. I don't see Double Daves offering me cream cheese on my pizza and calling it a bagel pizza. Lets keep these things seperate, thanks!

And no, I don't want to try the honey whole wheat with the 25% reduced fat jalapeno salsa shmear. In fact, I want you to use a clean spreader, not the one you just rinsed off after making that other guy's bagel! Cause last time there was that one bite of my normal plain bagel that tasted like honey almond. What's with that shit? If I wanted my bagel to taste like ass I'll just order it that way.

In conclusion... I just want a plain bagel with cream cheese at a reasonable price... is that too much to ask for? I guess so... must be why I rarely get bagels!

Editors Note: The author of the Bagel Rant wishes to remain anonymous. For more bagel visit the following:
Mr. Bagel
The Fashion Bee: Bagels??
The Volokh Conspiracy: The Bagel
Good Girl Gone Blog: Every Day Should Be a Bagel Day
The Seattle Times: The Bagel From Outerspace
The New York Times: Satisfying a Bagel Craving in Beijing