Nazi Bimbo Prostitute Victim of CPR Gone Wrong

Get your lips off that dummy! Thats right, the new CPR guidelines focus on just doing chest compressions because it's easier to remember, works just as well, lowers the "icky-ness" factor, and leads to less sexual harassment complaints from women who are not actually choking. "Experts hope bystanders will now be more willing to jump in and help if they see someone suddenly collapse." Field Reporter Kristen B. reports that since the announcement women appear more likely to help men they see choking, and they feel more at ease when they cough during a blind date.

In related news, Formula 1 president Max Mosley, was accused of "engaging in sexual acts with five prostitutes in a scenario that involved Nazi role-playing." And you thought American politicians were bad about sex scandals! What the man does in private should be his own business, but of course it's not. Max claims he was merely performing CPR on the choking German prostitute.

In International News...

NATO is still as useless as ever as "President Bush will press NATO for more troops in Afghanistan, try to keep up momentum in the alliance's eastward expansion and attempt to ease strains with Russia." With the fall of the Soviet Union and the Warsaw Pact, many people continue to question why NATO even still exists other than to have an international force that circumvents the United Nations.

In Iraq, the city that is no stranger to bombings, "the peace deal between al-Sadr and Iraqi government forces — said to have been brokered in Iran — calmed the violence but left the cleric’s Mahdi Army intact and Iraq’s U.S.-backed prime minister politically battered and humbled within his own Shiite power base." If things go well in the upcoming weeks the United States is expected to take credit; however, should things go bad, plans are in the works to place blame squarely on Iran.

Science in Our Lives...

How about a diet pill that actually works? "Patients on Taranabant lost an average of 14.5 pounds compared with 5.7 pounds for those on a placebo after 52 weeks." So after a year, they only lost 14.5 lbs while the guy popping sugar pills lost 5.7 lbs. Can I just get me some of those magic sugar pills instead?

And if you are this obsessed with your weight, there is a new game just for you! Miss Bimbo, the online game site in an "amateurishly-designed Web world where plastic surgery, body image, boyfriends and trampy clothes earn Attitude points like Dungeon & Dragons for Paris Hilton-esque celebutards." Of course, parents are already blaming this game for the problems of their children... Why is it never the parent's fault but always the video game's?

Getting Louder with Steven Crowder: John McCain

Alright. The democrats have, Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton. If Obama wins, they'll have the first African American (or "Molatto") president in the history of the United States. If Hilary "Pants suit" Clinton wins, we'll have the first Female president (and possibly the first "Closet Lesbian" president) in the history of the United States.

If John McCain wins... We've got another old dude in office.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't quite hopped on the "McCain hate" wagon (though I think there were better candidates)... But, could the man look any less presidential? Did you catch him in the debates? The man, constantly looks like he just awoke from a nap. His suits are are wrinkled, haven't been tailored, his hair is frizzy and he flashes a gnomish grin. It would be acceptable if this were the male version of "America's Next Top Model", and Johnny was going for the "tussled, bed-head" look... Alas, this isn't the case.

My question is; Where are the advisor's? You'd think that at least one of them would say "Hey John, you're going to be on National television as you vie for the heart of Americans across the globe, in an attempt to secure position, in the most powerful office on the planet... Might want to think about brushing your teeth."

It sounds vain, I know, but this is exactly the type of thing that can affect the outcome of elections. John Kerry lost, because he looked like Herman Munster. William McKinley, won votes based on his eyebrows alone. Nixon's impeachment had nothing to do with Watergate... It was the jowls. "Steven, where are you going with this? Are you saying that you won't vote for someone based on their looks alone?"

(To Be Continued...)

Lets Talk About the U.S. Relationship with Africa

Today I received a comment from an adoring fan and high school classmate, Daniel Davis. He wrote on my Facebook wall: "Let's talk about the U.S. relationship with Africa and why we only choose to extort the land for resources, oil, and artifacts. The rich get richer and poor get poorer in the republican regime that is the "united states." All that patriotism stuff is bull and you know it. Stop the horseplay." It would seem that the United States has a minimal interest in Africa other than in the defense realm where there recently was a reorganization to allow for an AFRICOM or African Command. This of course is most closely related to the terrorist threat in Africa rather than any peace keeping missions to help the people of the continent. But then again, people tend to complain we get involved to much, so perhaps the fact that the U.S. does not play a major role in Africa is a good thing? Daniel... I'm giving you a forum and an audience... perhaps someone else out there care and they will comment about it. But I wouldn't get your hopes up.

In International News...

North Korea is rattling sabers again as they "tested" a bunch of short range missiles in response to South Korea's tougher stance against the North's nuclear program. North Korea also recently threatened... “Should the U.S. delay the settlement of the nuclear issue, persistently trying to cook up fictions, it will seriously affect the disabling of nuclear facilities.” Sounds like someone is a little grouchy... or perhaps they have been listening to Daniel's rants about the intentions of the United States?


In Cuba, the average person can now own a cell phone. Of course they probably won't be able to afford it. Right now for those who are allowed to own one, they cost about 60 cents a minute domestically and $2.50 to call the U.S., the service also does not support picture messaging, internet, or e-mail.

Another overpriced government offer includes a hostage trade in Columbia. It appears that "hundreds of guerrilla fighters will be freed in exchange for the release of politician Ingrid Betancourt." I'm not sure what spurred this... but talk about a stupid decision. The FARC have many other captives and this will just encourage them to continue the behavior of kidnapping politicos knowing they can later exchange them for prisoners. Maybe the Columbian government misread my paper on negotiation with terrorist groups... I specifically said hostage trading was a bad move.

Local Politics...

Those of you may remember how this blog started with my political campaign for CD 22 here in TX. After getting out and endorsing Pete Olson, the race has only become more fun to watch. Currently we are in a run off between Pete and Shelley... and it would appear that Shelley's former deputy campaign manager is donating to Pete's campaign! I can't wait for the debate on Tuesday!

People Power in Politics and Protest

Learn English or go to jail... seems like an easy decision, no? We need more creative sentencing like this. So thank you County Judge Peter Paul Olszewski Jr... you inspire me to consider running one day!

So it would seem that the New York Times is finally discovering what the rest of us already knew... that Social Media is a good forum for politics. "According to interviews and recent surveys, younger voters tend to be not just consumers of news and current events but conduits as well — sending out e-mailed links and videos to friends and their social networks... they are replacing the professional filter — with a social one." I told you so... youth does care about politics!

Among other things happening on-line, a campaign has begun to ban Britian's treasury chief Alistair Darling from pubs across the nation for raising taxes on "one of life's simple pleasures," alcohol. "Hundreds have joined Internet groups devoted to running Darling out of every pub in the country, and establishments from the Tap And Spile in the north England town of Lincoln to the Plough Inn in Finstock, near Oxford, said Darling would not allowed to partake of their booze." Ah, the good ole fashion protest... I miss these... it won't change anything but it lets everyone know that you are unhappy. Good Times.

Your Government at Work...

Have you ever felt a little harassed by TSA? Recently a Texas woman had a hard time getting her nipple piercings past the check point. Last time I went through I had on my belt and once I even made it through with my watch on. So how the heck does this set off the metal detector? "The last time that I checked a nipple was not a dangerous weapon." In the meantime you have an extra year to get a passport before it's needed to cross a land border between the U.S. and Canada or Mexico. So for those of you with nipple piercings, if TSA does not invade your privacy, be sure that the private contractors at the passport agency will! Perhaps someone should complain about TSA to get them to change their ways? It worked last time!

Science in Our Lives...

Did you know that your nose can smell fear? Well maybe not directly, but the sense of smell is stronger when you are emotional. In hopefully unrelated news, "As if the idea of colonoscopies didn't sound uncomfortable enough, now researchers are developing self-propelling probes that crawl inside the colon and grip its sides with the aid of sticky films." Even worse is that if you are afraid of this happening to you... you may be able to smell it better!

Running for President Should be a Video Game!

Years ago I packed up my NES, SNES, Game Gear and other less famous video game systems and figured that I would just play computer games. 10 years later I find myself playing Wii and I haven't played a game on my computer other than pinball or solitaire in years. A few people I know play computer games, but mostly MMORPGs (a la World of Warcraft). MSNBC takes a stab at explaining why, but I think it's just a cycle. I played computer games before and after my last Nintendo consoles, (the Game Gear was just a mistake), and I'm sure I'll end up back with computer games again in a few years. Heck, even this story is a cycle!

Meanwhile, check out this honest politician...

In International News...

Pakistan is getting new leadership, and who knows how they will feel about the U.S. strikes on targets within their country. So before the official changing of the guard, the CIA will take this opportunity to increase the terrorist hunting efforts before any new leaders replace those who currently bend to the will of the United States. A spokesman for the new Pakistani ruling party said, "We do not envision a situation in which foreigners will enter Pakistan and chase targets." So obviously someone has their eyes closed. Ironically, Presidential hopeful John McCain spoke yesterday after retuning from his world tour and said, "Our great power does not mean we can do whatever we want whenever we want." It doesn't?

Russia also thinks it can do whatever the hell it wants including resuming its Cold War practice of flying regular patrols far beyond its borders. Thanks to the high prices for oil and overall high energy demand by China and other countries, Russia is enjoying an economic boom and using the money to strengthen it's military. "Analysts say the Kremlin is using its reviving military might to support a policy of projecting Russia's power again on the world stage." Rumor has it they are even working on flying submarines!

Science in Our Lives...

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day... teach a man to fish, and he eats for a lifetime. Teach a fish to catch itself and you a real breakthrough. "Call them Pavlov's fish: Scientists are testing a plan to train fish to catch themselves by swimming into a net when they hear a tone that signals feeding time." I am not sure how spending all the money to train them first is worth while... but maybe?

War on Gophers! and Climate? and Budgets?

Ah the futility of war. Ever wonder what would be dumber than a war on drugs? How about a war on gophers? Thats right, two Canadians decided to pump a mixture of propane and oxygen into gopher holes and ignite it. I'm no bomb technician, but that should cause an explosion. "When they filled it with propane it over-filled the hole...and when they ignited it (fire) flashed out of the hole... The resulting grass fire scorched about 160 acres of surrounding property and destroyed a number of outbuildings." Cost of the damage.... about $200,000. Proving once again that war costs a lot of money and in the end causes more harm than good.

In even colder climates, it seems that a large chunk of Antarctica has broken off and is now a little island of about 5,000 sq miles. While scientists not concerned about a rise in sea level, presumably because ice floats being less dense than water... there is solid agreement that this may be due to global warming. For anyone looking to start a country, this may be the place to do it!

In the meantime, it would seem that the major newspapers are finally discovering what I had been saying all along... it's not worth all the expense and effort to cover the elections. We all knew that these people were useless... "Traveling campaign reporters say they try to do more than just regurgitate raw information or spoon-fed news of the day, which anyone who watches speeches on YouTube can do" ... but they don't. Come on people, make up your own mind on who to vote for!

Space.... The Final Frontier

NASA has announced that it will not cut the Mars rover program despite saying that it would earlier this week. Sales of the Lego mars rover also remain unchanged.

Cancer... Horrible Disease or Economic Savior?

Cancer is a horrible thing ... if you have it. But it's paying for lots of sports cars and keeping doctors from being unemployed! Not only are we not sure what causes it, but cancer also costs a small fortune to deal with. Drugs for pancreatic cancer can cost $4,000 a month, but even with the drugs, you only get to live a few extra weeks. While advances are allowing patients to live longer, costs of care are going up. "Cancer sticker shock is hitting hard now, as a list of more advanced biotech drugs have made treatment rounds costing $100,000, or even more, no longer a rarity." Speaking of expensive treatments... Dr. Tomoaki Kato removed a half dozen organs during a 15 hour surgery to remove a cancerous tumor for Brooke Zepp. "The organ transplant specialist said he first had to remove her stomach, pancreas, spleen, liver and small and large intestines... They were re-implanted in their normal position after the tumor -- which was about 2 inches (5 cm) in diameter and wrapped around Zepp's aorta and the base of two other arteries -- was removed." Perhaps someone should do some research that directly compares competing treatments to determine which offer the best shot at survival for the money. In the meantime, the costs related to cancer will employ many people ordinary people ranging from the day laborer who are hired illegally to help build the hospitals to the guy who changes the oil on your oncologist's Porsche.

In International News...

These women are not trying to get at the brains of the store clerk inside, but rather just the subsidized food due to rising prices. "From subsistence farmers eating rice in Ecuador to gourmets feasting on escargot in France, consumers worldwide face rising food prices in what analysts call a perfect storm of conditions. Freak weather is a factor. But so are dramatic changes in the global economy, including higher oil prices, lower food reserves and growing consumer demand in China and India." Will prices ever stabilize... of course they will... just give it time. Lots and lots of time. Lets not forget that gas prices continue to rise. But people are buying houses again. So perhaps the economy is not doing that bad?

China seem to be running out of fuel. Why do we care? Well for starters a lack of oil was part of the reason Japan attacked pearl harbor. To make matters more complicated, “Prices are set by the government, so consumers should not panic over fears of surging prices or try to stockpile fuel.” Great, so the government keeps the price down, but there is no gas to buy... that works out oh so well. China also seems to be wrong about who is responsible for disrupting the Olympics. Despite all the noise coming out of China about how the Dali Lama wants to ruin the Olympics, it seems that the French are the ones actually disrupting things. "Three men advocating press freedom evaded massive security and ran onto the field at the ceremony in Ancient Olympia"... yup... thats it. They ran onto the field. Stop the presses! "Men run on field at sporting event." Yeah... so I guess there wasn't much else to talk about today. Other than of course the Japanese praying dog.

It's Pascha Baby!

For you less religious Christians, that's Easter. Not to be confused with Ester... who is pretty much unrelated to this holiday. Due to the cross referencing with a Pagan fertility celebration, in order to get the Pagans to play along with the whole Christ thing, colorful eggs and bunnies were incorporated into the traditions... this led to a whole new meaning of "the 2nd cuming." Thanks to Halmark and Cadbury, it now approaches devil worship with statues of chocolate idols and a bunny who lays chocolate eggs who may or may not be related to the goose who laid golden ones.

The Pope took advantage of the extra press given to him today to call for peace in Iraq, the Holy Land and Tibet. After bragging about converting a prominent Muslim newspaper editor, he denounced "selfishness, injustice, hatred and violence" between individuals and peoples and said, "these are the scourges of humanity, open and festering in every corner of the planet, although they are often ignored and sometimes deliberately concealed, wounds that torture the souls and bodies of countless of our brothers and sisters." Meanwhile the speech I gave this morning on twitter simply stated "Eggs Found: 0 Saviors Killed: 1" and did not get nearly as much press... likely because I am Jewish.

In regards to peace in the Middle East, Dick Cheney said it will require "painful concessions." When asked by Steinberg For Congress Field Reporter Kristin B. for further details, the Vice President said that peace talks would take place while hunting for quail.

Despite it being Easter, God decided to plague mankind a little this weekend. First floods poured into the midwest, then rockets struck inside the Green Zone in Baghdad, and an Arkansas meatpacking plant exploded. But the people who the media seem to think are really suffering this weekend appear to be the prisoners who eat nutraloaf. In case you were wondering, it's a mixture of cubed whole wheat bread, nondairy cheese, raw carrots, spinach, seedless raisins, beans, vegetable oil, tomato paste, powdered milk and dehydrated potato flakes... it's not only a complete meal, but it's also a tool for behavior modification! One Corrections Commissioner stated, "It's commonplace in other states as a way of providing nutrition in a mechanism that dissuades inmates from throwing feces, urine, trays and silverware... It tends to have the desired outcome... Once the offender relents, we stop with the nutraloaf. That's our goal, to protect our staff and not have them subjected to behavior that the average Vermonter would find incomprehensible." I've eaten prison food in Virginia... its better than some high school cafeterias... but if this stuff works perhaps we should feed it to kids instead of sending them to detention?

And because my friend in China asked, and since my blog is already blocked there anyways... "The flagship newspaper of China's ruling Communist Party called Saturday for efforts to 'resolutely crush' anti-government demonstrations by Tibetans." This coming as China accused the Dali Lama of orchestrating riots to ruin the Beijing Olympics. Of course... how come the U.S. didn't see it sooner... the Nobel Peace Prize winner is trying to overthrow communism... single handedly. Perhaps China needs to stop smoking the smog?

And a sad farewell this weekend to a beloved authur... C. Clarke that is. Michael Hinman of SyFy Portal remembers him as "More Than A Carbon Based Biped," Phil Plait of Bad Astronomy is "incredibly sad," and Guido Fawkes notes that "God winked at him."

Getting Louder with Steven Crowder: Barack Obama

Simply put; The worst presidential candidate in recent history.

Being a college student (okay, a man of college "age") myself, I am constantly forced to hear praises for Obama by my peers. Phrases like "Obama is the best candidate for America", "We need change, and Obama is the man to give it to us" or my personal favorite "I don't know why, I just like Obama" are exclaimed fervently.

Whenever I throw out the inevitable "Why?", these same people are speechless. You can see the wheels turning in their head, and watch their eyes glaze over with confusion, as they realize that they have no idea as to how to even begin answering the question. The whole "ooh geez, I brought a knife to a gun fight", feeling envelopes them, as they come to grips with their ill preparedness. Next step, their brain malfunctions, and explodes, sending pieces of their cerebellum flying onto my oxford cloth shirt. Okay, I'll admit, that I fudged that last part.
... I am far too poor to afford oxford cloth shirts.

Young people want to vote "Obama", and they have no idea as to why. The truth is, that there is no "why." Only hype.

Forget the man's "as radically left as they come" stance on abortion, his socialist agenda or his complete lack of experience. The guy is just a douche. Obama doesn't have the best interests of our country at heart. Plain and simple. I've been hearing a lot about Obama's pastor "Jeremiah Wright", over at "Trinity Church" lately. The left accuses the right, of "trying to make Wright out to be Obama's mouthpiece, when Obama can speak for himself."

The truth is, Obama made Wright out to be his mouthpiece. When Obama wasn't quoting or downright plagiarizing Mr Wright in his speeches, he was telling stories and painting pretty, little mental pictures about the Utopia that is "Trinity." Yes it's true, Obama has been personally quoted as saying that Jeremiah Wright is his closest spiritual and political adviser. Yes it's true that Obama has held the man in the highest esteem, since joining the church nearly two decades ago. Yes it's true that Obama has used both Mr Wright and Trinity Chruch as the fulcrum of his campaign for quite a while now. And yes, it's true that the chances of Obama having NOT noticed his pastor's anti-American hate speeches,and ultimately insane behavior is very unlikely to say the least.

Has anybody actually bothered checking out the church itself? I would advise you to glance at their website. http://www.tucc.org/about.htm

Of course, as with any church, you have to sign on to their code of ethics/belief platform in order to become a part of the congregation. A congregation that preaches hatred towards America, while pledging an undying allegiance to the nation of Africa. Do we REALLY want a member of this church running our country?

How can someone truly be given the responsibility of bettering our country and enriching our lives, when his number one priority, is thousands of miles across the Atlantic? "What do you want?! He's Kenyan!" a friend of mine yelled at me the other day. No he's not. He's American. Something that he all too often seems to forget.

* Getting Louder with Steven Crowder is a weekly feature on Steinberg For Congress

Talk About Dedication!

In the Philippines, devotes decided that on this Good Friday they should re-enact the infamous suffering of the Jewish Carpenter who started a religious revolution. One of the men who was clad in a maroon robe with a crown of vines and thorns said, "I started having myself nailed to the cross in 1995 because my eldest son got sick and almost died." The tradition is now a tourist attraction, and some feel that the "surge of vendors and tourists has injected too much commercialism into Holy Week celebrations." Perhaps I can get a T-Shirt that says, "I watched a guy get nailed to a cross and all I have to prove it is this t-shirt and some photos on my iPhone."

In 1974 the island nation of Cyprus was divided into an internationally recognized Greek Cypriot south and a breakaway Turkish Cypriot north. Well leaders have agreed to restart peace talks on reunifying the island after over 33 years. One leader said, "We shall try our utmost in order to come to an agreed solution for the interest of the Cypriot people, both communities, as soon as possible." It's good to know that there is still hope to reunify after so much time... despite that most American's do not even realize that the island split.

Meanwhile in South America, the Brazilian government is cracking down on logging in the Amazon. While environmental regulators are happy, 70% of the population in the area depend on the logging industry for their survival. Whats a country to do? Well, here is what happened... Environmental regulators armed with metal poles began destroying their livelihood: brick ovens used to bake wood into charcoal. About 35 percent of all logging feeds charcoal ovens. That charcoal is purchased by companies that resell it for use in steel production. The two biggest importers of that charcoal are China and the United States. For those who had their livelihood ruined, they have two choices... move to find new work that is both legally sanctioned and economically viable or wait a few weeks until the police and regulators shift their focus elsewhere and rebuild the ovens. The companies that profit on their charcoal might finance the rebuilding. Wanna bet that after a few weeks everything will be back to normal?

The county of France appears to be dedicated to strategic withdrawal as President Nicolas Sarkozy has decided to cut France's nuclear arsenal to less than 300 warheads. The announcement came as a surprise as many people had totally forgotten that France has nuclear weapons. "Sarkozy shifted somewhat from the nuclear doctrine of his predecessor Jaques Chirac, by being slightly more ambiguous about the circumstances that might lead France to employ its nuclear weapons." Perhaps this will encourage other countries to trim their nuclear arsenals, or perhaps it will just let other countries know how many interceptors they need to build!

Oh Nature, How Did We Upset You So?

Muskrats, beavers, gophers and other rodents are to blame for the flooding of hundreds of homes in Fernley, NV. It is estimated that it will cost "tens of millions if not hundreds of millions of dollars" to repair the canal... pork barrel? Keep in mind that this is only a city of 20,000 and they get an average of 5 inches of rain a year. 5 inches... what kinda of messed up engineering project leads to flooding with only 5 inches of rain?

Meanwhile in the Florida Keys, an Eagle Ray leaped to it's death in order to take out Judy Kay Zagorski, of Pigeon, MI. While the supervisor of the Theater of the Sea in Islamorada says, "Rays jump to escape a predator, give birth and shake off parasites...They do not attack people." Well it would appear that she was wrong. Perhaps the Ray was after the supervisor for keeping fellow Rays in captivity or just for promoting lies about the species. Then again, Judy might have done something much more horrible the ray died on impact with her face... this murder suicide could possible be due to a bizarre love triangle, but no octopus has yet come forward.

Nature is also to blame for high gas prices. If only more animals would die and become fossil fuel faster, then we wouldn't have this problem either! 64% of Americans have cut back on their driving, and 19% reduced their driving enough to have a significant impact on their lives. If prices keep going up, Mother Earth will finally get her way and we might stop driving all together!

Totally unrelated... Sen. Chuck Hagel... I love you. Chuck recently wrote that the United States needs independent leadership and possibly another political party. I've been telling everyone that the vast majority of the "youth vote" (ie. 18-40) are fiscally conservative but are socially moderate. Thus not really jiving with either of the big two parties, but they all feel that their vote would be wasted if they go independent. There is also a negative aura about voting Libertarian... so we need a new 3rd party! "Independent candidate for the presidency, or a bipartisan unity ticket ... could be appealing to Americans," Hagel writes. I agree... but the parties are not willing to consider this because they are stupid (ie. care more about winning than the American people.)

Your Government At Work...

Ah yes, the truth comes out... Red Light Cameras are only there for a source of income not to increase public safety! Companies pitch cities that these cameras will reduce accidents and bring in revenue. While yes, there is a "small but measurable reduction in injuries nationwide in accidents at intersections monitored by cameras... there was an increase in some kinds of collisions." In addition, as drivers learn where the cameras are, they are more careful leading to less light running and thus less revenue collected. "Sometimes, as in Dallas, cameras generate so little revenue that they can’t even pay for themselves." So what did Dallas do? Shut them off! Guess safety was not worth the cost?

Alien Life and Pop Culture to Solve the World's Problems!

Life on other planets? Perhaps... Scientists have detected the presence of methane in the atmosphere of an extrasolar planet. "It is thought that under the right circumstances, methane can play a key role in prebiotic chemistry, or the chemical reactions considered necessary to produce life as we know it on Earth." The presence of water molecules has been previously detected on this same planet! Perhaps once life is discovered out there we will focus on that rather than internal issues, that seems to work for international relations. So if our planet is taken over by aliens from HD 189733b, I can link back to this post in the future and say "I told you so."

In International News...

Japan is reaching out to pop culture in order to promote diplomacy. First, Astro Boy was named last November as ambassador for overseas safety. Today, a popular cartoon robot cat named Doraemon, was appointed "anime ambassador" by Japan's Foreign Minister Masahiko Komura who said, "Doraemon, I hope you will travel around the world as an anime ambassador to deepen people's understanding of Japan so they will become friends with Japan." Perhaps the Cat can also serve as the ambassador to HD 189733b? Japan is also home to the "International Manga Award created last year under comic enthusiast former Foreign Minister Taro Aso, who likened it to a "Nobel Prize" for an artist working abroad." For those of you not in the know, Doraemon time travels thanks to his "anywhere door" that comes out of a fourth-dimensional pocket on his stomach. Feel free to make your own joke about this one.

Today also marks the 5 year anniversary of the Iraq War. Enjoy some perspectives from those in the blogosphere:

Dan Treul - AQ Saint - anti war, likens it to Vietnam and compares the US to Rome
Liz Williams - Three Forks - reminiscing, supportive of the troops
The New Centrist - initial against but now supports the war, recaps news stories
Haider Ala Hamoudi - Jurist - perspective from American Iraqi law professor
Chris Floyd - Empire Burlesque - blames Bush and U.S. in general
Matt Sanchez - amazingly objective war correspondent

Your Government at Work...

Once again, the government is putting its nose where it does not belong... in your cheesesteak shop! A sign posted said "This is America: WHEN ORDERING 'PLEASE SPEAK ENGLISH." Last I checked, private restaurants have the right put whatever signs up they want to, right? The owner said "he has never refused service to anyone because they couldn't speak English, but critics argued that the signs discourage customers of certain backgrounds from eating at the shop." This went to a public hearing where both sides had to engage lawyers only to have a 2-1 vote to decide that there was nothing wrong with having the sign. One small victory for free speech... now if only we get get a little less government intervention on these stupid issues!

Big Money or Big Missiles: Which are Less Stable?

Work for the Government and make $12,000,000 over night? I'm not talking about an over inflated government contract, but rather the 8 women who work in the Monongalia County tax office won the $276.3 million Powerball Jackpot. Uncle Sam had to get his cut of their winnings too: "the group would receive a lump sum payout of nearly $140 million before taxes. After taxes, the payout would be $95.5 million." So that means $180 million is still floating around somewhere, perhaps going to education? Yea right!

Speaking of huge sums of money... credit card giant, VISA went public and "will issue some 406 million shares today and raise approximately $18 billion." Bloggingstocks.com says: "every single long-term investor should be interested in it." Selfinvestors.com thinks the VISA IPO is "over hyped" and that "over time Visa will produce outstanding returns, but jumping in out of the gates tomorrow for fear of 'missing out' is a big mistake." And David Pitlyuk is looking for your advise on the topic, but he already put in $3,000 of his own cash. Overall it seems like a good day for the stock market after the previous falls. Was it due to more Fed action? Or because yet another NY Governor cheated on his wife?

In International News...

The United States and North Korea have agreed to hold more talks regarding someone's nuclear disarmament. While the talks have been going on since 2003, this weeks breakthrough "the two sides had 'an in-depth discussion' in Switzerland on their differences over a six-nation disarmament deal... Both sides agreed to sit face-to-face with each other and continue the discussion." We should remember that last year North Korea signed an agreement to scrap its nuclear programmes in exchange for badly needed energy aid and major security and diplomatic benefits. Yeah... surprise surprise... nothing has happened with this.

Who else is saying "Nyet" to the United States? Our good friends in Russia! Seems they are offended by the U.S. positioning missile interceptors in Poland and tracking radar in the Czech Republic. While they are not happy, the Russians promised to look over written U.S. offers for cooperation, a sign perhaps that they are resigned to eventually accepting the U.S. plan. The shield is designed against a treat from Iran or North Korea, the few interceptors that would be placed do nothing to prevent ICBMs from Russia or China destroying U.S. cities. My question if why have such a meeting when "U.S. officials said they did not expect a breakthrough on this trip, and neither did the Russians."

Eating Brains Not Best Way to Receive Free Education

Breaking News... American's are not Zombies! "Sleep deprivation has been a watchword in health discussions in recent years, but a new analysis overturns the idea that we're all zombies."

News You May Actually Care About...

Can't afford college? Commit a sex crime! Thats right, sexual predators are eligible for free college tuition thanks to your tax dollars. What does the government have to say about this waste of taxpayer money?

Rep. Ric Keller, a Florida Republican who is pushing to stop the practice. "It is a national embarrassment that we are wasting taxpayer dollars for pedophiles and rapists to take college courses while hardworking young people from lower-class families are flipping hamburgers to pay for college." Oh, but it gets much works... "some institutions report that sex offenders are putting the financial aid to questionable uses by buying such things as clothes, a DVD player and music CDs -- sometimes, after they have dropped out of school."

Those opposed to taking away the financial aid for correspondence courses say "education could help sex offenders build stable lives and reduce their chances of committing another crime if they are ever released." I say those people are idiots... meanwhile I can't get a Pell Grant because I didn't blow all my paychecks on drugs or little boys.

In a totally unrelated form of sexual assault: When Strippers Attack! A man is suing a Manhattan "Hot Lap Dance Club" because he got hit in the face by a women's heel during a lap dance. This poor woman is just trying to make an honest living, perhaps to pay her way though college like the girls at the Dirty Sock in College Station, TX.... all I have to say about this is that if her shoe is near your eye, you sir, are doing something horribly wrong!

In other dirty news, the International Olympic Committee finally inhaled the air in China. Despite spending $17 billion to clean the air, since the decision to hold the Olympics was made in 2001, "the city remains under a gray cloud on many days and athletes frequently complain about competing in choking conditions." I knew it, this whole Olympics thing is just a way for China to kill all of the world's best athletes! Or perhaps this is just something new to complain about.

Your Government At Work...

So over the weekend the federal government has been actively playing in the financial markets. First the Federal Reserve announced a set of other unconventional steps to thaw out a credit market in danger of freezing shut. Then the Fed raced to provide emergency financing to cash-strapped Bear Stearns through JPMorgan. And now, the central bank, in an extraordinarily rare weekend move, approved a cut in its emergency lending rate to financial institutions to 3.25 percent from 3.50 percent, effective immediately.

How will this effect your wallet... it probably won't.

Drugs and Arms - A Special Report

We all know that drugs come from just across the border down in Mexico, but we tend to forget about that whole "war on drugs" thing. And what a war it is! "More than 20,000 Mexican troops and federal police are engaged in a multi-front war with the private armies of rival drug lords." As usual, the U.S. is on both sides of the problem as weapons and trained officers have defected to the sides of the drug dealers for higher pay, and now the "Bush administration has proposed a $500 million annual aid package to help combat Mexico's $23 billion a year drug trade." See what Bill Hicks has to say about this. I tend to agree with his point of view on the issue.

Perhaps if guns were banned that would solve the problem? Yeah... right! That hasn't worked so far for Washington, DC and today they are facing a challenge in the supreme court on the issue. Thankfully, "a majority of US Supreme Court justices appear poised to embrace an individual rights view of the Second Amendment." The argument for those of you who missed American history and government classes... Does the 2nd amendment imply that states can have militias or that people can have guns? It's all about the comma!

The Second Amendment, as passed by the House and Senate, reads:

“

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

”

The original and copies distributed to the states, and then ratified by them, had different capitalization and punctuation:

“	A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

And speaking of arms... there is news regarding robotic ones! "The space station's gigantic new robot, Dextre, rose like Frankenstein from its transport bed early Sunday, enabling spacewalking astronauts to attach its 11-foot arms."

Prices Going Up... Confidence in Government Going Down

Have you picked up your mastodon yet? If not, check e-bay! If you can't afford a mastodon, due to rising food costs, consider stealing form the Republican Party... it seems to be the in thing to do. Wondering why those food costs are going up? It's neither because of the war nor because of hip-hop... it's much more complicated:

Due to the falling dollar, investment is focusing in commodities, such as wheat, corn, and soybeans — and it's driving up their prices. In addition, “a significant portion of the corn crop is being diverted to ethanol, which raises corn prices.” Once corn and wheat prices go up, it is also more expensive to feed animals that we raise for food, and of course that price is passed on. In addition, increased gasoline prices raises transportation costs, also passed on to the consumer. Amazingly the double cheese burger is still on the $1 menu so all is well with my junk food diet.

While I can continue to enjoy my Diet A&W Root Beer, Muslim leaders are trying to take away my freedom of expression. The group charged that, "Muslims are being targeted by a campaign of defamation, denigration, stereotyping, intolerance and discrimination." The irony... I would not be targeting you now if it were not for your intolerance! How about focusing on ways to stop the violence in Iraq rather than blaming your problems on the rest of the world?

Meanwhile, the it seems that sex is becoming a tougher business, prices tend to be falling and with internet porn who really needs the oldest bordello in Hamburg's red-light district any more? Perhaps we can blame Spitzer for it closing down, he is part of that group thats just paying way too much for specialized services rather than a $50 trick... I think he got ripped off!

In Political News...

Enjoy your tax rebate because soon you will pay more. Congress decided for more pork as a budget was passed that will "torpedo hundreds of billions of dollars in tax cuts won by President Bush." In fact, 71 of 100 Senators voted against the earmark moratorium. We need to Change Congress (hat tip to Lawrence Lessig).

Votes for Sale... Rights Negotiable

The almighty dollar is falling and no one wants to be stuck with the hot potato. "Antique store owners in lower Manhattan, ticket vendors at India's Taj Mahal and Brazilian business executives heading to China all have one thing in common these days: They don't want U.S. dollars." Perhaps the dollar could be used to invest in people's votes... it's not like they are being used anyways. In Tarmarac, FL it would seem that no voters showed up Wednesday night to cast a ballot in an annexation referendum. Why you ask? Ignorant people, who constantly say "my vote doesn't matter." Perhaps if we could sell our votes we could fix both of these problems?

On the international stage, China is lashing out on the human rights record of the United States. Yup, you read that correctly... China said, "The invasion of Iraq by U.S. troops has produced the biggest human rights tragedy and the greatest humanitarian disaster in the modern world." Thats it, nothing more specific... In rebuke, "The United States looks forward to the day when the Chinese press, NGOs and civil society are allowed to operate freely and to voice open criticism of China's practices." So what will come of all this? Absolutely nothing!

But speaking of human rights... what is being done to protect school children?!? In this day and age of children bringing guns to school, gang problems, and ensuing violence between students and against teachers, perhaps teachers should be commissioned as special police? This is exactly the plan in Jamaica. While the teachers would have the power to search and hold law-breaking students until police arrive, they would not carry guns or handcuffs. Wait... no weapons, no ability to detain physically... whats the point?
Then again, having teachers with guns might not be a good idea...

And for you social media gurus, AOL announced today that it will buy Bebo, which has total global membership of more than 40 million, for $850 million which has total global membership of more than 40 million. Meanwhile, most Americans are now trying to figure out what Bebo is now that it made the news.

How Quickly We Forget (or Will Forget)

I hope you are not planning to fly on Southwest today or you may ended up grounded. "Southwest Airlines Co. canceled flights Wednesday and temporarily grounded 43 planes to examine if they were sound enough to carry passengers." But not to worry, by the time you read this everything will be back to normal, and because no one died we will all just forget that anything even happened by next week. Does anyone even remember this from a few months ago?


In Iraq there was an appeal to the United Nations to take control of the country in order to allow the U.S. troops to leave. Neither the U.S. administration nor the Baghdad government are likely to endorse the request as neither are that stupid. Lets discuss this history of the United Nations in relation to the security of a county with internal strife:

• Failure to prevent the 1994 Rwandan Genocide
• Failure to intervene in the 1995 Srebrenica massacre
• Failure to successfully deliver food to starving people in Somalia
• Failure to implement provisions related to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict
• Failed to prevent or help sufficiently in the area of Darfur genocide

What a stellar track record... and to think, people actually want the UN to come in and the US to leave?!?

In Amman, Jordan, authorities released Sheikh Abu Mohammad al-Maqdisi, a leading al-Qaeda mentor. Maqdisi was regarded as the spiritual mentor of al Qaeda leader in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, and had been in solitary confinement since he was rearrested in July 2005. "U.S. intelligence officials say Maqdisi is a major Jihadi mentor who wields more influence over Islamist ideology than leading militants such as Osama bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahri."

Now here is the kicker... al-Maqdisi shared a cell block with Zarqaui from 1995-1999, they were both freed in a previous amnesty! So now the man has been freed again... gee... that worked so well last time!

A Special Look at Today's Youth

A recent report suggests that 17% of 6th graders have "used alcohol." "Users were more likely to be male, engage in violent or delinquent behavior, and have friends who used alcohol." Did they just ask the 6th graders? Because of course those who are more likely to be delinquent would admit to drinking, also those who's friends drink would be part of the 'cool kid club' and thus want to brag about it. Perhaps this study should be done again by actually testing the BAC of students to see if they are actually "using alcohol?" Oh wait... no... instead lets just publish a report and scare the public into thinking that the next generation is already falling apart... meanwhile in France the problem is a lack of sophisticated pallet.

If it wasn't enough that 17% of kids are drunkards, it would seem that 25% are also promiscuous sluts as it was determined that 1 in 4 teenage girls has an STD. I personally do not like those odds... I'm better off playing Russian Roulette! OK, maybe something is horribly wrong with our youth these days!

Meanwhile, Generation Y lives on the Internet where geographical boundaries have no meaning. Therefore their interest in more with cyberspace than outer space. NASA seems to be having a hard time reaching out to the next generation, perhaps the message should be that "space and space exploration isn't something that happened 40 years ago ... it is still an ongoing process and something that they can get involved in." Take a look at what the folks at Open NASA are trying to do to solve this problem.

Also of interest to young at heart readers... the Government wants to ban Salvia due to it's mind blowing powers. Quotes from my friend sitting behind me as I type this: "It's too strong, it's harsh... it only lasts like 2 minutes. It's not a party drug, you can not take it and chill with friend... you can take it and be a blithering retard." According to this expert, THIS VIDEO is the most realistic.

Last but not least, while virtually every college bans hazing more than half of college students belonging to campus organizations say they have experienced it in places from the glee club to the fraternity house. Living in T.O. Walton Hall during my time at A&M, I saw quite a few "Pro Hazing" shirts... but seriously folks, "It’s Not Peer Pressure. It’s Just Your Turn."

Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll and New Sins?

Sex. Yet another politician is caught with his hand in the cookie jar... "Gov. Eliot Spitzer’s political career teetered on the brink of collapse Monday after the corruption-fighting politician once known as “Mr. Clean” was accused of paying for sex with a high-priced call girl." Anyone want to be the new governor of NY?

Drugs. In your drinking water! Researchers do not yet understand the exact risks from decades of persistent exposure to random combinations of low levels of pharmaceuticals... that's why — aside from therapeutic doses of fluoride injected into potable water supplies — pharmaceuticals are prescribed to people who need them, not delivered to everyone in their drinking water. Of course you can argue about the value of the fluoride.

Rock & Roll. Madonna and John Mellencamp have been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. "Among the favors distributed to guests was a box of 30 blank CDs, presumably so people wouldn't have to worry about buying CDs anymore." See! No one pays for music anymore!

New Sins? It seems for the Vatican that having only seven deadly sins is just not enough. "Now, the Catholic Church says pollution, mind-damaging drugs and genetic experiments are on its updated thou-shalt-not list. Monsignor Gianfranco Girotti, whose office deals with matters of conscience and grants absolution stated, "If yesterday sin had a rather individualistic dimension, today it has a weight, a resonance, that's especially social, rather than individual." Last year, the Vatican took on the problem of highway accidents, issuing a kind of "Ten Commandments" for drivers against the sins of road rage, alcohol abuse and even rudeness behind the wheel. What next? Banning books?

Not to be confused with The New Sins in London

What's Been Going On in China?

Has anyone else noticed that China seems to be keeping itself out of the news lately? A lot of the talk of the big military threat has been subsided due to recent Russian actions. So lets take a look at what's been going on in China!

It seems that everyone loves the Olympics, except for the terrorists. "Chinese police broke up a terror plot targeting the Beijing Olympics...Terrorism experts say the threat is low given China's tight social controls, but warn that Beijing's counterterrorism capabilities are weak, especially in intelligence gathering and analysis." Olympic gambling experts say that China is also weak at the vast majority of the summer sports but are expected to medal in Table Tennis.

Meanwhile China is also going green, or trying to at least. Its great to see that a country that is starting to embrace free markets is also working to save the environment. Officials said, "the government will make full use of tax, fiscal and financial policies to push forward energy-saving and pollution-cutting goals." China is still paying people $72.55 a year to only have one child and punished those who have more than one to curb the overpopulation problem... so perhaps a similar system is in the works? Close down the old industrial plant and get a tax break on your company's new greener production line, but forget to turn the lights off when you leave the room and be severely beaten?

Your Government In Action...

$12 Billion a month. Thats the estimate for what the Iraq war is costing the U.S. taxpayers. Or so the authors of a new book claim in order to increase their sales. Is it true? How would I know, I'm not an economist! But the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office (CBO) has done its own projections and comes in lower. But if we are spending all this money, shouldn't our economy be booming? The money is paying for goods and services, which means more jobs, right? Bueller?
And another thing... for whatever sexist reason, the U.S. military does not allow women to be in the front lines of combat. How is this fair? Why isn't anyone screaming discrimination? Lucky for them the insurgent fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan helps to nullify this barbaric ideology. Thats right, the insurgents are equal opportunity attackers and this allowed Army Spc. Monica Lin Brown of the 82nd Airborne Division to earn a Silver Star, the first Silver Star awarded to a woman since World War II. You go girl!

Lets just hope we don't shoot the wrong people!

Welcome Steven Crowder!

Today we welcome a new contributor to the blog... Steven Crowder he will be responsible for entertaining you on Saturdays. Exactly how he will be contributing is still to be determined.

A little about Steven. Born in Detroit, raised in Montreal, Steven Crowder really had nothing going for him until he turned twelve. It was at that age that he was awarded the (coveted) role of voicing the character "The Brain" on the hit children's TV series "Arthur". The role immediately launched him into the realm of "Babe Magnet". With this in mind, he continued down the path of acting (in both voice, TV and film) until he came to the realization that he was no longer the cute infant that Public Broadcasting had learned to love. Now that his baby-fat cheeks had left him, he knew that he needed a new "hook "to catch the ladies. Frantically, he searched for the answer until one summer, working as manual labor for the “Just for Laughs” Comedy Festival, the art of Stand up Comedy caught his eye. He approached a famous comedian and received advice on how to get started in the business, after which he was escorted from the premises, fined a hefty sum and brutally beaten. Once the feeding tube was removed, Steven sauntered on down to a local comedy club to try his hand at the trade. The throwing of vegetables and angry screams of the crowd created and incredible "rush", upon which Steven became immediately addicted and he never looked back. One year later, (at 18 years old) Steven returned to the “Just for Laughs” as the youngest Comedian ever to grace the festivals stage (breaking the previous record set by Chris Rock at 19). His act was so well received that coordinators decided to feature him on XM Radio and booked him on tours across North America. Now, based out New York City, and fresh off of winning the Nationwide “So you Think You’re Funny” MySpace Comedy Contest, Steven Crowder continues to please both audiences and critics with his unique brand of Comedy and point of view.