You Can't Make This Stuff Up!

A special report of news from the last few days that sounds too crazy to be true... but it is!

A man dressed up as Darth Vader, complete with garbage bag cape, and assaulted local Jedi in Whales. Vader hit Master Jonba Hehol, Jedi church founder, with a metal crutch, but was given a suspended sentence. The Judge obviously understood that had Vader meant to do serious damage, he would have used his lightsaber. The Jedi church uses "insight and knowledge as a guide to living a better and more worthwhile life." According to a 2001 census, 390,000 people in the United Kingdom listed Jedi as their religion.

The Vatican has a chief astronomer... and if that isn't news enough, he says that believing in aliens does not contradict a faith in God because they are sill God's creatures. The good reverend said, "How can we rule out that life may have developed elsewhere? Just as we consider earthly creatures as 'a brother,' and 'sister,' why should we not talk about an 'extraterrestrial brother'? It would still be part of creation." He also believes that God caused the Big Bang. Well the Church was wrong in 1633 when it prosecuted Galileo for his theory that the Earth was not the center of the universe... of course it took until 1992 for Pope John Paul to declare that the church was wrong.

A seal tried to have sex with a penguin! Why is this news? Well its the first time a mammal and a different vertebrate have had a sexual encounter. One Scientist observing this odd form of pornography said, "At first we thought it was hunting the penguin, but then it became clear that his intentions were rather more amorous." It would appear that the seal subdued the penguin, then alternated between resting on the penguin and thrusting its pelvis at the bird in vain attempts to insert its penis for 45 minutes as it tried to flee. I'm not sure if I should be more amazed that the 240 pound seal had the ability to go at it for almost an hour or saddened that it took that long for the seal to realize that it wasn't gonna work out. In conclusion the same scientist noted that sexual harassment is common in the animal kingdom and said, "There are many things that we do not understand about ourselves... by continuing with research efforts on other vertebrates we could learn a great deal about the whys behind human behaviors."

Match.com for your new cat? Get the last story out of your head you sick perverts! Shelters are now using a Feline-ality program to help rate animal personalities and to ensure they jive with the family's situation and desires. And since people tend to be the problem more than the cat, adopters fill out a questionnaire and the results tell them which set of personality types would be best for them to consider. One expert sums it up, "There are so many cats out there, why not get one that fits?" Like a good pair of shoes.

Lets all give a big round of applause to Yves Rossy who made his first public flight in his self-made jet pack. This sets a new level for expensive kids toys for years to come! He stepped out of a plane at 7,500 ft, experienced some freefall as he unfolded the wings strapped to his back, glided a while, then triggered four jet turbines and accelerated to 180mph. His next mission will be to fly across the English Channel which will probably be on Discovery channel if all goes well for him. So far the device has cost $125,000 and countless man hours.