Fighting and Dying and Fighting Again

Is the Lebanese civil war not yet over? I mean... I thought it ended many years ago, but then again I also thought the U.S. - Iraq war ended in the 90s. Hezbollah is not to happy with attempts to disarm them and thus clashes have broken out between the Shiite Hezbollah and the Sunni Lebanese government. The Lebanese Army released an official statement saying, “The continuation of the situation as is is a clear loss for all and harms the unity of the military institution." No kidding? The army has also largely stayed out of the broader political struggle. They says it is for fear of exacerbating the situation, but maybe its because the army’s commander is the two factions’ consensus candidate for president. Once again, politics triumphs peace!

The United States is attempting some saber rattling, and made the statement, "We urge Hezbollah to stop their attempt to defy the lawful decisions taken by the democratically elected Lebanese government. We also urge Iran and Syria to stop their support of Hezbollah and its destabilizing effects on Lebanon.” One expert explains the situation, "The government tried to show force by shutting down Hezbollah. Hezbollah showed force by pushing back the government." So for now the international community waits and watches...

Perhaps the fighting is in honor of Israel's 60th anniversary? Or is it due to the Olympic torch being at the top of Mount Everest? Ok, maybe these events are not related, but the head of the Chinese National Climbing team did yell “One World, One Dream” as his torch was lit atop the summit... interestingly enough, he said it in English! Meanwhile in Israel, the event included an actual riot and fight between Jews and Arabs to remind people of the country's history. As the Associated Press puts it, "Six decades after rising from the ashes of the Holocaust, the Jewish state is still plagued by threats from abroad and an identity crisis at home. Its 41-year occupation of Palestinian territories has invited international condemnation. Yet it also is a thriving democracy that has provided a haven for the world's Jews." Meanwhile, Russia thinks its the Soviet Union and rolling heavy artillery through downtown Moscow.

Science in Our Lives

Despite years of research and millions of dollars spent on research and development, people still go hungry. Seeds are getting better, techniques are improving, but soil around the world is getting worse. The winner of the World Food Prize gives the following tip: "The first thing to do is have good soil. Even the best seeds can't do anything in sand and gravel." While modern super corn can grow at rates of 9,000 lbs per acre, African farmers only get about 500 lbs because of infertile soil. My solution? Fertilizer. In fact the poor country of Malawi figured this out. Three years ago the president invested 8 percent of Malawi's national budget in a subsidy program to get fertilizer and better seeds to small farmers. The country went from having 1/3 of its population on food aid to being a food aid donor. World solution... stop sending food to poor countries, send shit.

However, we must consider the one of the dirt problems could be coming from the over abundance of dead bodies in the world. With increasing land values, science has led to a solution so that all those pesky dead hookers in your trunk can be flushed down the drain! Alkaline hydrolysis uses lye, 300-degree heat and 60 pounds of pressure per square inch to destroy bodies in big stainless-steel cylinders that are similar to pressure cookers. This method takes us less land space than traditional burial and is green friendly without producing the crematorium emissions! Of course church groups are already against the idea, saying "We believe this process, which enables a portion of human remains to be flushed down a drain, to be undignified." Expect this to soon be an option at your local funeral home!

Your Government at Work

Despite that most people do not know it and many of the employees do not want to believe it, the FBI and ATF were merged under the Justice Department to coordinate the fight against terrorism. So what does this mean for you the tax payer? Well, the agencies have spent the last five years fighting for control, duplicating efforts and wasting time and money. The FBI has refused the merge national bomb databases and started a competing bomb-sniffing dog program, the ATF bought counterfeit cigarettes from under cover FBI agents because of parallel investigations of tobacco smuggling, and agents from both agencies have threatened to arrest one another at crime scenes. A retired senior official said, "A lot of these things require a little adult supervision from the Justice Department or Congress, which will resolve a lot of the food fights these two agencies find themselves in." Perhaps just scrap the two agencies as independent and make them into one organization? No wait... that would just be to simple and eliminate too many high paying leadership jobs where people don't actually do any work.