Nazi Bimbo Prostitute Victim of CPR Gone Wrong

Get your lips off that dummy! Thats right, the new CPR guidelines focus on just doing chest compressions because it's easier to remember, works just as well, lowers the "icky-ness" factor, and leads to less sexual harassment complaints from women who are not actually choking. "Experts hope bystanders will now be more willing to jump in and help if they see someone suddenly collapse." Field Reporter Kristen B. reports that since the announcement women appear more likely to help men they see choking, and they feel more at ease when they cough during a blind date.

In related news, Formula 1 president Max Mosley, was accused of "engaging in sexual acts with five prostitutes in a scenario that involved Nazi role-playing." And you thought American politicians were bad about sex scandals! What the man does in private should be his own business, but of course it's not. Max claims he was merely performing CPR on the choking German prostitute.

In International News...

NATO is still as useless as ever as "President Bush will press NATO for more troops in Afghanistan, try to keep up momentum in the alliance's eastward expansion and attempt to ease strains with Russia." With the fall of the Soviet Union and the Warsaw Pact, many people continue to question why NATO even still exists other than to have an international force that circumvents the United Nations.

In Iraq, the city that is no stranger to bombings, "the peace deal between al-Sadr and Iraqi government forces — said to have been brokered in Iran — calmed the violence but left the cleric’s Mahdi Army intact and Iraq’s U.S.-backed prime minister politically battered and humbled within his own Shiite power base." If things go well in the upcoming weeks the United States is expected to take credit; however, should things go bad, plans are in the works to place blame squarely on Iran.

Science in Our Lives...

How about a diet pill that actually works? "Patients on Taranabant lost an average of 14.5 pounds compared with 5.7 pounds for those on a placebo after 52 weeks." So after a year, they only lost 14.5 lbs while the guy popping sugar pills lost 5.7 lbs. Can I just get me some of those magic sugar pills instead?

And if you are this obsessed with your weight, there is a new game just for you! Miss Bimbo, the online game site in an "amateurishly-designed Web world where plastic surgery, body image, boyfriends and trampy clothes earn Attitude points like Dungeon & Dragons for Paris Hilton-esque celebutards." Of course, parents are already blaming this game for the problems of their children... Why is it never the parent's fault but always the video game's?