Eating Brains Not Best Way to Receive Free Education

Breaking News... American's are not Zombies! "Sleep deprivation has been a watchword in health discussions in recent years, but a new analysis overturns the idea that we're all zombies."

News You May Actually Care About...

Can't afford college? Commit a sex crime! Thats right, sexual predators are eligible for free college tuition thanks to your tax dollars. What does the government have to say about this waste of taxpayer money?

Rep. Ric Keller, a Florida Republican who is pushing to stop the practice. "It is a national embarrassment that we are wasting taxpayer dollars for pedophiles and rapists to take college courses while hardworking young people from lower-class families are flipping hamburgers to pay for college." Oh, but it gets much works... "some institutions report that sex offenders are putting the financial aid to questionable uses by buying such things as clothes, a DVD player and music CDs -- sometimes, after they have dropped out of school."

Those opposed to taking away the financial aid for correspondence courses say "education could help sex offenders build stable lives and reduce their chances of committing another crime if they are ever released." I say those people are idiots... meanwhile I can't get a Pell Grant because I didn't blow all my paychecks on drugs or little boys.

In a totally unrelated form of sexual assault: When Strippers Attack! A man is suing a Manhattan "Hot Lap Dance Club" because he got hit in the face by a women's heel during a lap dance. This poor woman is just trying to make an honest living, perhaps to pay her way though college like the girls at the Dirty Sock in College Station, TX.... all I have to say about this is that if her shoe is near your eye, you sir, are doing something horribly wrong!

In other dirty news, the International Olympic Committee finally inhaled the air in China. Despite spending $17 billion to clean the air, since the decision to hold the Olympics was made in 2001, "the city remains under a gray cloud on many days and athletes frequently complain about competing in choking conditions." I knew it, this whole Olympics thing is just a way for China to kill all of the world's best athletes! Or perhaps this is just something new to complain about.

Your Government At Work...

So over the weekend the federal government has been actively playing in the financial markets. First the Federal Reserve announced a set of other unconventional steps to thaw out a credit market in danger of freezing shut. Then the Fed raced to provide emergency financing to cash-strapped Bear Stearns through JPMorgan. And now, the central bank, in an extraordinarily rare weekend move, approved a cut in its emergency lending rate to financial institutions to 3.25 percent from 3.50 percent, effective immediately.

How will this effect your wallet... it probably won't.